


i'm at jungle city, it's late, and this song is for you

by hanleiasolo



Series: this must be my dream [12]
Category: Greek and Roman Mythology
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Break Up, F/M, my beans are sad, this must be my dream universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-29
Updated: 2018-01-06
Packaged: 2019-02-08 13:38:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,682
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12865665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hanleiasolo/pseuds/hanleiasolo
Summary: these are what they call hard feelings of love, when the sweet words and fevers all leave us right here in the cold





	1. now we sit in your car and our love is a ghost

**Author's Note:**

> good evening!!! disclaimer: this is part of my "this must be my dream" series! this story is readable on it's own, but for some back story it might be a good idea to go ahead and check out that series first! anyway, thank you for bearing with me. i announced this series a few months ago, but college got in the way and it's been hard to even think of doing anything creative right now, but i'm really happy with this and i'm excited to get this into the universe! title, summary, chapters - all based off of hard feelings by lorde, off of melodrama. i listened to that song, and out came my ideas for this story. so please enjoy!

The sun was rising above the horizon now, the last of the night disappearing from view. I made my peace with the moon disappearing, the stars fading away. The sky was turning pink, orange, golden. The miraculous glow of a new day. That was the funny thing about the world - it kept turning. Another day comes after the one before it. That should be comforting to most people. 

For me, it was not. 

The sun rising meant this: I had to live with what happened. I had to live with his mistake. I had to live with the way my heart felt now. It’s heaviness in my chest. 

I sat on the windowsill, watching the city rise. He laid face down on his bed, I think he stopped crying. I know I have. I haven’t heard much from him within the past few hours. He might have fallen asleep. I was glad. I couldn’t bear to watch him any longer. I didn’t want to look at him. He was always so strong, held his head so high. He was a broken man now. 

I was hurt, but I was not sad. I was gasoline, and he was a fire. He touched me, and I started burning. He cannot put me out now, it’s too late. It’s too late. It’s too late. 

A single tear ran down my cheek. Carefully, I wiped it away. My floodgates stood at attention, made sure no others could slip out. I couldn’t fall apart; not here, not now. If I was vulnerable, and he was vulnerable, then I would easily forgive him, and we would end up doing some regrettable things. I had to remain strong. 

The sun was higher now, the birds were chirping, car engines were louder. Everyone was waking up, preferably with the person they love, and they were starting their day. It must be a beautiful feeling. 

“Hades,” I croaked, my voice soft. I had been awake all night fighting with him. It was time for me to go home now. 

He grunted in response. Perhaps he was not asleep, but just relishing in the awful silence as I was. 

“Hades,” I said again. “Hades, I want to go home.” 

“Seph…” he mumbled. 

“ _ Hades _ .” 

“Please, Steph.” His voice was barely audible. He was on his last leg. 

“Take me home,” I demanded. 

“Let’s talk about this,” he said, gruffly. He sat up slowly. He looked miserable, like shit. I couldn’t say I looked any better.

“We did talk, Hades. Now take me home.”

“I love you.”

“Bring me home.”

“Persephone, I  _ love _ you. I’m  _ sorry _ .” 

I stayed silent, looking away from him. The sky was turning blue now. 

“Do you forgive me?” he asked. 

“I don’t know, Hades,” I said, softer this time. I didn’t know. I didn’t know if I could forgive him after this. 

He stood up from the mattress, running a hand through his hair. He looked around his room, a bit of a mess now from our fight. He was looking for his keys, his wallet perhaps. 

“Your dresser,” I answered his unspoken question. He nodded and walked over, snatched his things. 

“I’ll take you home now, Steph,” he said, defeatedly. 

He walked out the door without giving me a second glance. I slid off the windowsill, taking one last look out the window. The day had started. Couples told each other, “I love you,” before leaving for work, for school. Babies were crying in their cradles. Children were screaming at each other, laughing with each other. 

I followed him at a distance, not wanting to get too close to him. We were used to this, leaving early in the mornings. I stayed at his place constantly, letting him worship me with all his heart. I kicked his mattress before exiting his room. That was not our sacred space any longer. 

I would wake up when the sun first hit my eyes, and giggle to myself. I would shake Hades awake, telling him it was time to go. We scrounged around for our clothing. Sometimes I would steal his shirts if I couldn’t find mine. Our shoes were never on all the way as we ran to his car. 

We walked slower now. It was a few flights of stairs to get to the ground level of his building, and another block to find his car. He never was able to get a good spot right in front of the building. I wrapped my arms around myself, the morning crispness engulfing me. 

His car was a bit beat up, much like the rest of his inner city life. I used to be charmed by his statement. He didn’t need his parents’ money. He could live on his own. I don’t know why I found that so brave. It just was apart of his different-than-my-family facade. 

He opened the door for me, as he always did. I did not say thank you. 

We would speed down the highway, race the sun as we drove back to our little slice of suburbia. My pristine two-story home, just cozy enough for my mother and I. We would do a few donuts in the cul-de-sac in front of his house before he dropped me off. I thought he was insane, he could wake the whole neighborhood up and blow our cover. 

I shook the memory out of my head as we merged onto the highway now. It was too late in morning to race the sun now. We remained at a steady pace in the right lane, letting cars mindlessly pass us. Our hands touched as we both reached for the radio, and I snapped my hand away. He hesitated for a moment, shocked, before pressing the button. He kept the volume low, just enough to hear the morning news. Killing our silence. My thoughts were not dead though.

Zeus threw a party last night. His parents were out of town. It’s what he always did. 

We all went. The whole school went. It’s just what we did on the weekends. There wasn’t much to do in suburbia. We had the mall, the movie theater if you were willing to pay an arm and a leg for a ticket, parks. The city was where you went to have fun, and if you couldn’t afford the city, you were stuck. 

Everyone was pretty drunk. I decided not to get drunk, but right now I wish I hadn’t made that decision. And that’s where the rumor started. Zeus told Hera, who told Aphrodite, who told Apollo, who told Athena - who told  _ me _ that Hades had a one-night stand with someone else. I couldn’t help but  _ laugh _ at Athena. 

“What?” I asked, the music pounding in our ears. 

“Hades  _ fucked _ someone, Seph.” Athena was the least drunk of everyone. 

“Who?” I yelled. I was starting to realize she wasn’t joking. She was serious. My heart stopped. 

She shrugged, but her eyes were pained as she watched me process it. “I’m really sorry, Seph…” she trailed off. 

She couldn’t even finish her sentence, I stormed off so quickly. “I have to find him!” I screamed behind me. I desperately searched the crowd, looking for Hades. I wanted him to debunk the rumor, to tell me that none of this was true.  

I found him against one of the living room walls, watching the party as it happened. His eyes lit up when he saw me walking over. He even smiled at me. But when I did not smile back, that’s when he grew worried. 

“What’s wrong?” he asked. 

The music was too loud, I could barely think. “Can we get out of here?” I yelled. He nodded his head and grabbed my wrist, pulling me through the crowd. I was silent as we walked to his car. He didn’t drink either, said he wasn’t in the mood tonight. 

“Where did you have in mind?” 

“Anywhere. Let’s just go,” I said. 

He unlocked his car, opened the door for me. We stayed silent for the entire ride. I turned on his radio, soft rock played through his speakers. The volume was low, much lower than inside the party. I couldn’t think of anything to say, and he didn’t mind it.

We arrived at his apartment around midnight, then all hell broke loose. The next seven hours were torturous. 

“Athena told me…a  _ rumor _ ,” I began. 

“A rumor?” Hades laughed, throwing his keys onto his dresser. He took of his jacket and threw it in a corner on the ground. 

“She said you…you…” 

“I?”

“You cheated on me?” My voice lowered dramatically. My mouth went dry. 

His face went pale. He bit his lip, looked away from me. 

“Hades?” I asked. 

“It was a mistake, Seph. It was a drunken mistake,” he finally said, very reluctantly.

I gaped at him, appalled. My hands started to shake. Head to toe, I was dripping with anger from his confession.

All I wanted to do was scream, and yet I couldn’t.

“Who?” I whispered. 

“It doesn’t matter. I love  _ you  _ -”

“Who was it, Hades?”

He rubbed the back of his neck, walked closer to me. I shook my head at him, warning him not to come any closer. Not to touch me. I just wanted an explanation. 

“Do you…Minthe. Do you remember Minthe?” 

My eyes widened at the name. The bonfire came flashing back at me. I slowly nodded my head. 

“Persephone, I’m so sorry…” 

All I could do was scream at him. How I couldn’t believe him, how I never wanted to see him again. And all he could do was beg for my forgiveness. Apologize profusely, tell me it was only one night, that it would never happen again. 

I stopped thinking then, knowing that replaying the scene would just make me upset. And I could not cry yet. I needed to wait until I was safely inside my house, in my room, under the covers. I needed to wait until he was gone before I could break down. 

We now pulled up in front of my house. My mother was long gone, her car not in the driveway anymore. She must have gotten an early start at the shop. She assumed I was sleeping soundly at Athena’s. That was always my plan, and Athena always had my back. Always. 

I just sat for a moment, feeling the shift of the car as he put it into park. Everything was still, yet nothing could be the same. Once I walked out of this car, it was over. Whatever life I had yesterday would be nonexistent today. Whatever love we mutually shared would be deceased. I held a quick funeral in my head, mourning the loss of my innocence. Mourning the loss of his light in my life. 

I looked over to him, and he was already looking at me. He was smiling sadly, he knew that everything was about to change too. I wanted to scream that this was all his fault, but all he would say is that he knew. He knew he messed up. He regretted it immensely. 

I took a deep breath, then opened the passenger door. I didn’t even say goodbye. But before the door could slam shut, I heard him whisper one last apology. 

I walked to my front door, not looking back. I knew he hadn’t pulled away from the curb yet. If I looked back, I would run to him. 

I unlocked my house door and entered instead. 

I heard his engine pull away. 

There was one single tear running down my cheek. 

This was only the start. 


	2. god, i wish i believed you when you told me this was my home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She never was supportive of this relationship, but she did me a favor and accepted it. I wonder if she knew it was all going to fall apart. She always said that all men were the same, they were put on this earth to break our hearts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have gotten so much feedback for this story! good feedback! so thank you much! it means so much to me! i am sorry this took so long, but my finals are over and i'm on break now and i want to finish this story before i get back to school! but thank you all so much for your nice words, i love u lots <3 follow me on tumblr @falloutswift for story updates and inspo, and feel free to leave me a message too! i would love to talk to all of you! have fun reading, this is between demeter and seph. a lot of this story is going to be persephone's healing process. ok i am done babbling, thank u for reading!

Demeter built her house on the phrase “I told you so.” 

The foundation was her own two arms, crossed and leaning against her chest. 

The windows were her disappointed glances.

My youth consisted of all of these things, even when I thought I did my best. 

If I got injured sneaking out of the house, going off to explore the woods, I would return home crying. “I told you not to leave the house, Persephone.” 

If Aphrodite hurt my feelings by not inviting me to her sleepover, I would end up moping around my house, glancing out of my window to see if I could see her house from mine, if I could see her having fun without me. “What did I tell you about being her friend, Persephone?”

Demeter thought she was always right, never harsh or unfair. She thought this was love, this was life. Her bitter experiences were supposed to be a foundation for teaching me. I missed out on a lot of things has a child because of it. 

So as I battled one war, I knew I had already lost another. I never had a chance against this one. 

I stood there, pressed against the front door, hearing the sound of Hades driving away. My hand didn’t leave the doorknob. My other hand wiped away the tears leaking. 

I just listened for a moment, listened to the clattering of coffee mugs in the kitchen, the padding of feet. She was humming a tune out of key. I caught a glimpse of her in the kitchen doorway, her bathrobe was tied tightly around her and her hair fell in waves down her back. She was truly blissful in the mornings, I never was up early enough to see it. 

“Persephone?” she called softly. She must have heard the door. I swallowed hard, I couldn’t even put words together. My thoughts were all jumbled. My hand slipped away from the knob and I started taking heavy steps towards the kitchen. I just had to keep breathing. 

She was sitting at the table, sipping on tea, looking through a home improvement magazine. She loved doing projects like that, anything to spruce up our home. It kept her busy when she wasn’t at the shop. 

“You’re up early,” she commented, not looking up. 

“Hades and I broke up,” I blurted. 

She looked up from her magazine, her eyebrows lifted. Her face grew soft. It seemed that she was at a loss for words as well. I was waiting for her heart-eating words to tear me to shreds. 

“What happened?” she asked instead. 

I shifted my weight, not looking her in the eyes. I couldn’t. “He cheated on me, I just found out…” I mumbled. She still was looking at me sadly, and I hated it. I knew so many people would look at me like that once the news broke. I would have to get used to it, but I still hated it. 

“Persephone,” she said softly, gracefully standing up from her seat. She walked over to me, brushed her cold hands over my arms. “Oh, Persephone.” She pulled me into a hug, and it shocked me. She was being kind to me, something I was not used to in these situations. 

She let go, gestured to the other chair at the table. “Sit with me,” she said.

I watched her go back to her seat first before I sat myself. She flipped the page in her magazine, took a sip of her tea. I just watched her. My hands were flat against the table, they were so dry.

That’s when I finally broke down, within the contaminants of my own home. The silence within my own hallways, in front of my depreciating mother. She never was supportive of this relationship, but she did me a favor and accepted it. I wonder if she knew it was all going to fall apart. She always said that all men were the same, they were put on this earth to break our hearts. 

I allowed my sobs out of their cages, and they ripped through me. The floodgates opened, the water drained through my eyes. Every ounce of my body ached, like weights were thrown against me. 

My head hit the table, too embarrassed to allow my mother to see me like this. I’ve fallen apart thousands of times, but always in my room, or in Athena’s, or in Hades’s arms. Wherever Demeter was not. 

I went on like that for a while, and I felt my mother’s hand combing through my hair, comforting me. She just allowed me to cry, to be emotional. For once, I didn’t have to put on this facade of the strong girl she raised me to be. 

Eventually, I lifted my head back up. I didn’t think I had any water left in my body. I was drained. “I just don’t understand,” I sighed. My voice was still quivering. 

“I know, sweetheart,” Demeter sighed, rather thoughtfully. 

“Why would he do that to me? Why did I deserve that?” 

“You didn’t. Men don’t think about the consequences of their actions, they just do. And then they think they can just…get away with it. But the real world does not work like that, Persephone. Every action has its equal opposite reaction. Hades just  _ did _ , and this was the consequence. It was nothing you did, sweetheart. Trust me.” 

Her hand stroked over my face, her thumb brushing my cheek. Her words hallowed me.  “What do I do now?” I asked softly. Hades had taken up the last year and a half of my life, I didn’t know anything besides him. 

“That’s certainly the hard part. You’re smart, Persephone. You will get through this,” she assured me. 

My father had left when Demeter was pregnant with me. I never knew him, and I convinced myself I never wanted to know him. What he did to Demeter, to me, it made me grow to despise him. I didn’t think there was any pain worse. I was wrong. 

But my mother stopped believing in love after she was left. She convinced herself she did not need anything else besides me and the flowers. She was happier that way. She thought she was happier that way. She thought that I could be happier that way too.

I did not believe in that. If there was one person in this world who could love me as equally as I loved them, then this was worth it. This pain, this suffering, it was worth it. It was not worth it to just cut myself off from a lifetime of possibilities. 

“Thank you, mom,” I whispered. I wasn’t just thanking her for her comfort, but for holding back her wrath. Although, she didn’t know that part. 

She smiled at me, and I smiled back, though it hurt to. I didn’t think I could be happy for a while after this. But Demeter had given me a silver lining to think about, and perhaps that was important. 

I excused myself from the table, leaving her to her morning routine. She would leave for the shop soon anyways. 

I trudged up the stairs, into my bedroom. I stripped down and changed into comfier clothes, and fell into my bed. I plugged my phone into the charger, and it lit up with a million texts, all from one person. Hades flooded me with apologies, with love. I couldn’t stand him. 

I debated with myself, about how I was aching with hurt, but how I knew I couldn’t stop loving him so easily. Demeter’s words echoed in my head. All of these thoughts were confusing me, and I didn’t know what was next for me. The future seemed too real now. Everything did.

I shut off my phone and went to sleep. Hades wasn’t going anywhere any time soon. 

My last thought before I fell asleep was, “I told you so.” It was not my mother’s voice this time, but rather my own. 


	3. i care for myself the way i used to care about you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time heals all wounds, or so I’ve been told. But it is taking a while, and I am impatient.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> good morning :) happy winter solstice! i hope u enjoy this chapter, seph's self discovery is interesting to me but she is trying and i support her. follow me on tumblr @falloutswift for updates and inspo, i've been thinking about making a separate blog for ao3 but idk if y'all would be interested in that! one more thing, i have a separate writing blog that is not a part of what i write here @tcwrites and you should definitely check that out, on tumblr too. anyways, enjoy! ily all! the next update will come really soon because it's already done! and i love hearing feedback from you guys pls don't be scared of me

There are many kinds of soulmates out in this universe. We have different people in our lives that make our hearts beat in some kind of way. 

Athena was one of those people. She carried the soul of my best friend. She laughed at my jokes when they were not funny, she told me if my eyeliner was smudged, she encouraged me to follow whatever dreams I had in the moment. 

When I was hurting, so was Athena, and God, was I hurting. 

Weeks started passing by me, time was beginning to take its course. Time heals all wounds, or so I’ve been told. But it is taking a while, and I am impatient. 

I graduated high school a few weeks ago. I was supposed to be following Hades to university in the fall. But lately I could not focus on anything, and I was beginning to think that nothing was a good idea. I should not go to university in a large city where I only knew one man, a heartbreaker. I could stay at the flower shop, pick up more hours, earn some money and just take the semester off. Breathe. 

“Persephone,” Athena hissed when I told her my thoughts. “You’ve worked hard for this. You can’t just throw it all away. That could ruin your whole life.” 

Athena had come over one warm evening, the sun was not down yet. Pink skies loomed above us, a golden sunset pushed past my curtains. She brought over a bottle of wine from her parents’ forgotten wine cellar and we were both feeling a bit bubbly. 

We took the opportunity to tear Hades down from my wall, cut through pictures and polaroids and leave them in the garbage. It didn’t sting, not when I felt like I did. I was invincible, in the way alcohol makes you feel.

For Athena, she gets tired too quickly and slept restlessly in my bed. But I stayed awake for a while longer. 

I stroked his face each time before cutting through the photograph perfectly. 

His voice still lived in my mind, but the only thing he said were soft apologies and my name. But then just my name, and his soft moans, and the way his lips melted into mine. I touched my hand to my cheek, and imagined it’s his and that he’s telling me he loves me for the first time.

There’s a polaroid of us at prom, carelessly dancing. I wore a soft pink dress and he wore a black tie and it was everything I ever dreamed of. And then I saw his promposal poster looming in the corner of my room, and all of the flowers were dead but I refused to get rid of it. I dropped the polaroid to the ground and crawled over to the poster. Instead of ripping it to shreds, I started dismantling the flowers. They unveiled faint pencil lines of shaky handwriting, carefully measuring how large each letter should be. 

I made myself a bed of flowers and laid down it in. I cradled the polaroid in my hands. This was my mess, I had to figure out what to do with it. 

Do I stay with Hades or do I leave him? Because keeping him in limbo was hurting the both of us.

I woke up the next morning and my back ached. Dead petals were stuck in my hair, on my back. Athena’s laughter woke me up. I looked over to her, then out the window. The sky remained pink. The color of love. 

“How did you sleep last night?” Athena asked me. She was still smiling.

“Not well, apparently,” I replied, a little disgruntled. 

“Quite the project we were doing,” she said. Athena was sitting up, her legs crossed on my bed. She was looking around, her eyes were full of wisdom. 

My mouth went dry at the thought of what I had done. I didn’t think I really wanted to do that, but the damage was already done. Everything’s digitized nowadays, of course, but it would be costly to reprint all of these pictures. Did I even want to reprint these pictures? 

The polaroids were irreplaceable, and that was really too bad. I found the one from prom laying next to my makeshift bed, and I felt glad that I had spared it. Prom was so magical to me. Something about dressing up and eating fancy dinners and dancing the night away was special. 

I groaned in response to Athena. “What the fuck?” I hissed. “Why did he do it?” 

I’ve been continuously asking that question, yet nobody was able to give me the same answer. My mother gave me her philosophy on men, Aphrodite told me that’s just what happens these days. Hades said it was an accident, but it was consented by both parties. That is not an accident.

“I don’t know, Seph,” Athena said softly. My eyes met hers, they watered. I’ve never heard that before. Just excuses. My throat tightened. 

“It sucks. It’s a shitty thing to do.” I flung a crumpled picture to the other side of the room.

“Yeah, it is,” she agreed with me. 

“Athena?”

“Yeah?”

“Please don’t hate me. I think I still love him.” 

“Why would I hate you, Seph?”

“Because I’m not supposed to still love him. Especially after something like  _ that _ .”

She sighed, moved to the edge of the bed. Long legs dangled, and she smiled at me. “Come, sit with me,” she offered. I pushed myself up and numbly walked over to her. 

The bed was so comfortable, I was mad that drunk me could not find the courage to sleep on it. Athena pulled me into a hug, and I rested my head on her shoulder. 

“I think it’s okay to still love him,” she said after some time had passed. “You spent so much time with him. It is hard to unlove a person. It takes longer than simply falling in love. When falling, within seconds you land - on the ground, on someone else. The hard part is when you have to pick yourself back up, dust yourself off.” 

I stayed silent, thinking over her words. Indeed it is hard to unlove a person. 

“Persephone,” she spoke again. “You need to figure out where you stand with him before you can start healing.” 

“Yeah,” I agreed. “I know.” 

“What are you going to do?” 

“I don’t know.” 

Because I still loved Hades, with all of my heart. He desperately texts me, and I don’t reply, but he still texts me. He still is holding out hope. And so am I. But the difference is that everyone’s fate lived in my hands, and I didn’t know what to do with that kind of power, and he was stuck helpless until I made my move.

But he also hurt me. He shook my core, hurt me so harshly that I should never be able to love again. But I was still in love with him, and I had no idea why. Why was this so difficult? He cheated on me, I should hate him forever. Once a cheater, always a cheater - that’s the saying. 

I lifted my head off of Athena’s shoulder and sat up straight. It was a new day, and I had too much to think about. Athena stroked her hands through my hair, something comforting. 

Athena was my best friend because I knew she would be by my side no matter what I chose. She would be there the morning after to help me clean up whatever mess I created. She would always be there to support me, to take care of me, and to love me. 

“You’ll make the right decision, Seph. I know you, I know your heart. I trust you,” she whispered. 

I don’t think I trusted myself. 


	4. it's time to let go of this endless summer afternoon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We weren’t best friends, just two girls in the same cheaters club.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> merry christmas! and if you don't celebrate christmas, happy day! fun fact: this was the first thing i wrote for this story. it's been through many edits since, but now i get to post it! i've been planning this story since i posted if i believe you, so that's kinda a long time. anyway i am done rambling, follow my tumblr @falloutswift for some cool content. pls leave kudos and comments bc i appreciate feedback greatly :) this story will conclude in the new year, so see u then! enjoy and thank u for reading

I brushed my hair back behind my ear, took another glance around. In the death of summer, the air turned chilly. It was hard keeping my coffee warm while waiting for her to show up.

I wished it was Hades I was meeting instead.

I shook the thought out of my head. 

I was familiar with this coffee place. It was a favorite of mine and Hades’. He would order black coffee and I would get a fancy latte. Cerberus, the dog he rescued a few months ago, would sleep under the table and we would talk for hours, laughing about the same, stupid things. I would watch people come and go, and recognize some people from the last time we came. 

Today, all that sat in front of me was coffee, three creams, three sugars. Hades took Cerberus when he left. All I was left with was the past-tense memories. 

I finally saw her walking on the sidewalk towards the shop. She was in her classy three inch heels, red lipstick expertly painted on her lips. Her peacock coat flared out at the bottom. It was all a little extra, but whatever worked. Her eyebrows raised when she saw me behind the small gate. I was one of the only people who chose outdoor seating on this brisk day. 

I distantly remembered Hades painting red on my lips. 

She walked indoors, and I knew it would be at least another five minutes until she sat down with her drink. I started to fiddle with my phone. 

No new messages, no notifications on Twitter, no likes on Instagram. Hades posted a new photo of the dog and him on a walk. I refrained from liking it. Athena says I’m better off just unfollowing, him but I just couldn’t do it. 

I locked my phone before I could get too deep again. I didn’t need to be looking through his social media right now, or any old text messages. That was becoming a nasty habit, but it was all I had at this point. He stopped texting me incessantly, and I wondered what made him stop. Did I drag him along for too long? Or did he just realize that it was for the best? 

Just in time, I saw her walking over towards me. 

Hera initiated the invite to coffee. I don’t know why she would want to, it always came across that she hated me. Or was just disinterested in me. I wonder what made her so sympathetic now. 

Well, I knew  _ what _ , but I wondered why. 

“Good morning,” she greeted, sitting across from me. 

“Morning,” I piped, taking a small sip of my coffee. 

There was awkward silence, the sound of slurping coffee and avoiding eye contact filling the air. I don’t think either of us ever pictured this scenario. 

A few minutes passed. Birds flew past us. Dogs on leashes walked by. Cars continued to roll. “You’re wondering why I asked you here,” Hera said, finally. There was no question about it. Her lips stained her coffee cup. 

“Yeah,” I admitted. 

“I know what it’s like. What happened, what you’re going through. I thought I could offer some words of wisdom.” 

I blinked at her words, trying to comprehend what she was saying. She thought she knew what I was going through? I understood that Zeus was rarely faithful, he had a hard time with the concept, but Zeus did it over and over and  _ over _ again. It was expected of him to. But Hades, nobody could have prepared for it. It was unlike him, to say the least. Or at least I thought it was. 

“Excuse me?” I finally managed to say. 

“He’s one of  _ them _ ,” Hera sighed, blatantly disgusted. “They cheat. That’s what they do.” I cringed at what she said.  _ They _ cheat. He doesn’t. Or he shouldn’t. Hades wasn’t like the rest of them. That much I knew.  

I wanted to laugh. She was starting to sound like my mother. 

“So why do you stay with him then? Zeus?” I offered. “If they’re all the same, and if you know it, then why put up with it?”

She blinked, momentarily speechless. I don’t think she’s ever been asked that question. She sipped her coffee politely to fill the silence. 

“I’m no angel either,” she said finally. She grinned at the thought. “I deserve better, I could  _ have _ so much better - I  _ know _ . But, Zeus…there’s no one else I could really see myself being with. Maybe we’ll be high school sweethearts, and then in ten years we’ll hate each other’s guts. But for now, we’re together, and we’re successful.”

That did not make any sense to me. They shouldn’t have to stay after being treated so poorly. I didn’t have to stay either. I could do better, be what Hera couldn’t. Demeter may have been right in trying to protect my heart from this ache.

“So?” Hera asked after I left her in silence. “What are  _ you  _ going to do?”

“I don’t think I can forgive him,” I mumbled.

“Ah, well,” she sipped, “he messed up. I wouldn’t blame you if you left him.” 

“It just…it wasn’t expected. Especially from him. He was so  _ different _ from his brothers when I met him. He was dark, and brooding, but he was so kind and soft. He was such a gentle soul. I don’t know what happened.” I don’t know why I wasn’t good enough, I wanted to add. My throat closed at the thought. 

His voice cracked in my head. He was repeatedly saying “I’m sorry” to me. I’m sorry for hurting you. I’m sorry I messed up. I’m sorry for being with her. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry -

“They all  _ seem  _ different. You think they have redeeming qualities. They don’t.” She was harsh, her months of experience clouding her judgement. Maybe she was right, though. 

I finished off my coffee and sighed. “I don’t know what I’m going to do. I haven’t spoken to him since, but I need to give him an answer soon. I don’t know what I’m going to tell him.” I put my head in my hands. I wanted to cry, scream, tell Hades that I never wanted to see him again. But that was not the case. 

“Well, Persephone,” Hera started. “You must be smart. Do the right thing for yourself. Don’t spare Hades any feelings, he deserves to hear everything you’re thinking. ” She sounded like Athena now, but I knew better than to think I could have Hera’s shoulder to cry on. 

I was, however, taken aback by her words. I never expected her comfort, let alone this outing. She had really surprised me, though I was sure I would never do anything like this again with her. We weren’t best friends, just two girls in the same cheaters club. 

She glanced at her phone and gasped. “Shit, look at the time. I really have to get going.I know I’m not so nice, but thank you for meeting with me. I thought it was…important. Us girls have to stay together, you know.” 

I stood up with her while she gathered her things. “Thanks for inviting me. I appreciate everything, Hera.”

She smiled at me and took off. 

I was confused this morning upon coming. With people like Hera, you’re never really sure what to expect. But she had a nice side, a good side that she didn’t let people show. A nice side she couldn’t really show, not when she was with someone like Zeus. But it felt good to finally see it. 

Maybe people aren’t always as bad as you think they are. I unlocked my phone and liked the photo Hades posted earlier. A sign that I was still here, and yet still gone. 

Just unsure. But I wouldn’t be for long. 


	5. i'll start letting go of little things 'til i'm so far away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What if we didn’t like these new, tired versions of ourselves? What if we couldn’t learn how to move past this? What if we did, and we still didn’t like each other?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> last chapter!!!!!!! ahhhh!!!! happy new year to everyone! thank you for patiently waiting for this. i hate writing endings, so this definitely took a while. i hope you all like it though! follow my tumblr @falloutswift and feel free to talk to me :) i love you guys, thank you for reading this story! i will be updating this must be my dream soon too!!!! happy reading, this chapter's a long one :)
> 
> edit: y'all just let me go 11 months without realizing i accidentally named this chapter and last chapter the same thing? wow. i fixed it pls enjoy

When I was little, and it was just my mom and I in the world, she would make all of the decisions for me. She told me what to wear, what to read, what friends I should hang out with. I couldn’t help but think that she would disapprove in the decision I was about to make, but I realized that at some point, it was time to take my life back into my own hands. I valued her input, but I would not become her. 

Before, I kept looking for someone to give me the solution to my dilemma.  I wanted someone to fight this battle for me. But what people said to me, what my friends or my family or even my foes said to me, felt wrong. Their advice was useful, but not in the way I wanted it to be. 

They all thought I deserved better, that I should leave him. But the thought of him not being apart of my life anymore left me haunted. In a future without him, there would still be his ghost lingering around me. The face of any other man would become him, their voice his own, their hands and their touches would just be him. 

But don’t think I’m fooled, because I do understand that I deserve better. But I think my better could be a better version of Hades; a version who knows he was wrong, a version that is truly sorry, a version that would learn from his mistakes. I hoped that this version I had in my head would be the reality, though it may take some work. 

There was something about the crack in his voice that first morning after, about the remorse he held in his eyes, the tears he shed. Qualities his brothers, his father even, did not share. He felt guilty afterwards. Hades was a sensitive man; something his father recognized too late, so he prevented his younger sons from developing that same emotion. 

Zeus was the worst of the three of them. He didn’t care how badly he burned Hera with his misadventures, just as long as he could create a spark. He could successfully cheat over and over again, well aware of how it set Hera aflame. And Poseidon's heart flowed like the ocean, in any direction it cared to. I don’t think he could ever truly belong to anyone, despite what Amphitrite believed. 

Hades had only one other girlfriend before he met me, lost somewhere in his senior year of high school, named Leuce. He said that things ended mutually between them because they knew that their relationship could not outlive their high school days. She went to college across the country, she got away from our slice of suburbia. He said he was reminded of her sometimes when he looks up at the trees, as she grew and he did not. But then he met me, and he stopped dwelling on her. 

Hades had a heart like stone, strong and hard to move. His heart was a deadweight, he constantly proved that time and time again with his love and devotion towards only me. I took it for granted.

He called me his lifeline once, that he would be dead without me. 

I ran into Zeus one day during our time apart. He looked at me sadly, the way everyone who knew what happened did, but he wasn’t sad for me. “I don’t know if you care or not, but Hades is in bad shape since…yeah,” he said to me in the middle of the grocery store aisle. He was sad for his brother, though he wouldn’t admit it. 

“Oh,” was all I could say. I did care, so badly, but I was not ready to face Hades then. 

“But you look good,” he countered. “If you need a shoulder to cry on, let me know.”

“I’m not heartless, Zeus. Do you ever think about the words that come out of your mouth? Do you think about the consequences of your actions - ever?” I snapped at him. He walked away quickly after that. 

I guess Hades was right. He  _ was  _ dead without me.

Why would he ever believe he could be alive with someone else? 

The thing about stone was that there was always a crack in it. There was always a flaw. Hades had slipped into that crack, and he wouldn’t let himself live because of it. 

At first I thought that was a good thing. We were both suffering, and that’s the way it should be. The more I thought about it though, the more I realized that wasn’t healthy. We didn’t have to suffer from it, we just had to speak to each other. We had to listen to each other, and see what happens from there. And that was terrifying to me, so I pushed him off until he was the only person left I could talk to. He was the only other person on this earth who was sharing my pain right now, and now I was the one causing it for both of us. He shattered the glass, but I was the one who could decide to mend it or just throw it away. 

But it could never be the way it was. And that was scary too. What if we didn’t like these new, tired versions of ourselves? What if we couldn’t learn how to move past this? What if we did, and we still didn’t like each other? 

My mother wanted me to let him go, like he never existed. She said it would be easy, but she was lying. Not only to me, but she was lying to herself too. Her pain came out through every move she made with me and herself. Suppressing an emotion did not mean it was gone forever, but she would rather be dug into her grave before she admit that. 

Athena wished for my happiness, and if that happiness meant me allowing Hades back into my life, then she would graciously accept my decision. Athena knew my heart, knew how strongly I loved, and accepted it. I was blessed to have a friend like her, a friend who had my back no matter what. She told me the truth from the beginning. Truth was a rarity in people nowadays. 

Hera wanted me to a better version of herself, to do what she was not strong enough to do. She wanted my actions to teach Zeus a lesson perhaps, that if I was able to leave Hades, she would one day grow the courage to leave him also. But I was not a weapon in the fight of love. I had my own war to end. I hoped Hera would find her happiness in the end. I needed to find mine first. 

Athena sat in my room with me when I decided I wanted to see Hades again. She sat next to me as I texted him, just like the very first time. But there were no butterflies fluttering about in my stomach, just bricks piling onto my chest. I thought about how he would feel, seeing my name on his screen for the first time in forever. Would it be a sigh of relief for him? Or would he be feeling a similar feeling of dread like I was? 

We both walked a fine line now, one misstep and we would fall for good. 

We agreed to meet by this small park near the beach. I was the first one to arrive, wrapped up tightly in an oversized sweater. Days were growing chillier. I hoped they would warm up soon. 

I saw him walking over, still far away. My breath hitched at the sight of him. He was still real, still alive. Not a ghost. Zeus was right, he wasn’t looking too well. As he grew closer, I was able to see the dark circles under his eyes, the way his hair was disheveled. There was no light left in his eyes. I absently wondered if I looked just as dead, but that couldn’t be. I worked hard to hide my emotions. I made sure I looked put together today, for my sake. 

He sat on the swing next to me, allowing gravity to pull him slightly back and forth. We could barely look at each other. My focus was on the ocean, just beyond the hill we were on. The waves pushed and pulled themselves apart, then back together. Never ending. They were harsher now, with the colder season ahead of us. 

We said nothing for a while. We just let the wind thump in our ears, the waves crash. I didn’t know where to start. 

And then, “Why didn’t you just tell me? I had to find out from Athena.” 

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him shrug. “I didn’t want this,” he gestured his hand between us, “to happen.” 

“You did a bad job of that.” 

“I guess I did, yeah.” Without missing a beat, he said, “I’m sorry.” 

“I know you are. I know you’re sorry. You’ve been sorry.”

“Yeah.”  _ I’m sorry _ still ghosted in the air. 

“Why did you do it?” I asked him. It was a heavy question. 

He stayed silent for a few moments. It’s not that he was thinking of an excuse, but rather the best way to explain himself. I bit my lip, waiting. “We were at a party, and I got too drunk. Minthe came over to me and started talking and one thing led to another and then…” he trailed off. I cringed while listening to him. 

“And then you fucked her, right? You were just talked into her arms?”

“Persephone -”

“Was she better than me, Hades? Did you like her better?”

“Seph, we -”

“Did you  _ think _ of me? Did you think about me at all?”

“ _ Persephone _ , we didn’t have sex!” 

I blinked, momentarily speechless. “What?”

“Is that what you’ve thought this whole time?” he asked. 

“That’s what I heard!” 

“From Athena? Who heard from  _ who _ ?”

“Uh,” I paused, trying to trace back the rumor’s origin. “Zeus, I think, started it.”

He scoffed. “Zeus? Of course he would twist the story.” 

“It was partially true, wasn’t it? And besides, you didn’t really give me anything else to go off of.” 

“Seph, we did  _ things _ but we…we didn’t go all the way,” he admitted. 

I shifted on the swing. It felt like the weight on my chest was just replaced with a lighter one. “You weren’t going to tell me?” I asked softly. I was still hurt, of course. He touched her, but nothing more. 

“I was trying to prevent this from happening,” he repeated himself. 

“I know, I know. But, Hades, things still happened. Things happened that shouldn’t have happened.”

“And I’m  _ sorry,  _ Seph. You’re my world, I didn’t want to break that. I know I messed up, I should have stopped her. But I  _ did  _ think about you. Actually, I thought she was you for a while. I realized too late that it wasn’t you. When I did, I stopped her and left the party. A friend brought me home.” 

I bit my lip. “You hurt me, Hades.” 

“I know I did. I’m sorry.”

“I  _ know _ you’re sorry! Stop saying you’re sorry!” I yelled. 

“What do you want me to do, Seph? I’ll do anything for you. Just tell me what to do, and I’ll do it,” Hades resigned. 

“I don’t know what I want you to do, and that’s the problem! Because I still love you but I also hate you for what you did.”

“It won’t happen again. I promise.” 

“But you  _ can’t _ promise that! Shit happens, you can’t predict it.”

“Persephone,” he said, his voice serious. “I love you, and only you. Not Minthe, not any other person in this world. It’s you, Persephone. It’s been you since the day I met you. I’ll be damned if a drunk night ruins everything we built.” 

“Hasn’t it already?” my voice cracked. I finally looked over at him, and he looked desperate. I felt desperate. Why did everything feel like it was crumbling in my hands when it didn’t have to? 

“What are you feeling?” he asked me. He turned and faced me, our eyes meeting for the first time since the last. 

“Everyone I’ve talked to said I should leave you.”

“I wouldn’t blame you if you did.”

“But I don’t want to. I want to stay with you, try and work this out.” Excitement lit in his eyes, but the rest of him tried hard to remain calm. It would have broke my heart had he not already. “Do you think we can do that?” 

“I hope so.”

“It’s not going to be easy. There’s a lot of trust that has to be built back.”

“Yeah, I know.” 

I slowly moved my hand over to grasp his. It felt all too familiar. A good familiar. He didn’t hesitate to squeeze my hand. “I shouldn’t have waited so long to reach out to you.”

“I understood. It hurt, but I understood. I hurt you more.” 

We fell silent again, holding hands. I looked out to the ocean, to the waves and the shore. The sun was trying to break through the clouds.

A fresh start with Hades, putting this behind us. I mulled it over. We were going to be in those fragile first few months again, the ones where anything can happen. But then again, anything could happen no matter how far into the relationship you were. We would be more careful this time. He would be more careful this time. 

“The first night we met,” Hades started, “when you were locked in the warehouse?”

“What about it?” I laughed.

“That’s where we first met - formally, at least.”

“Yeah, and?” 

“You’re still nice.” 

I cracked a smile. I remembered those words we exchanged to each other. The same words rested on the note he left me with his phone number. The same word defined our relationship, up until now. Maybe we could be that way again. “Nice,” I said. “You’re still nice too.” 

“Maybe we do have a chance then.” 

“Yeah,” I agreed. “Maybe we do.” I squeezed his hand. 

“Seph, I’m sorry.”

“I know you are, Hades. I’ll try to forgive you soon.”

“That’s more than enough, flower girl. You’re giving me more than I deserve right now.”

I was uncertain how to proceed. We were tentatively back together now. Our friends and family would not hesitate to talk about us behind our backs, saying how this was a bad idea and that we were destined to fail. Perhaps it was a bad idea, perhaps we did fail. That was our own fate to discover. But I felt like we deserved a second chance, and so we would have it. Not everyone was so lucky. 

I couldn’t consider myself lucky though. What Hades had done may have not been as severe as I thought, but it still happened. That would not change. But I believed we could get past this, and I knew both Hades and I would get through it. 

The city was a jungle, the people were vicious. But our roots would grow, we would bloom like the flowers in my mother’s shop. I learned to survive alone. I would teach Hades how to grow now. He could look up at the trees and think of himself. 

I proved to myself that I could do this alone too. I confronted Hades without needing my mother to tell me what to do. My relationship with Hades was always on the backburner of my mother’s disapproval, and I knew she wouldn’t want me to do this. I have decided that my mother was one of those vicious people too. 

But I would focus on her and the rest of the repercussions later on. I had been through so much within these past few weeks, I deserved a break. I deserved this second chance. 

Then again, maybe I was lucky. I absently thought of Hera, how I was still doing what she could not. I stood up for myself, after all. This was not a choice out of weakness, but a choice out of strength. 

I smiled at Hades, and he smiled back at me. 

My anger dissolved instantly. Let there be peace now. I was ready to heal. It was time to let go of the past, focus on the future. 

Maybe the cracks in stone could be healed, just like the cracks in my heart had been. We would have to just work on it and see if we were as lucky as I hoped.


End file.
